My Whims

by James von Dielingen

More puny humans should bow to my whims

Keep my gut stuffed, fill my cups to their brims

Do all my homework, and shine all my shoes

Put on TV any show that I choose

Fluff up my pillows and sign all my checks

Take out my garbage and shuffle my decks

Ask me quiz questions but try not to stump

I really don’t want to look like a big chump

Play video games the way I want to play

And let me win at least 10 times per day

Tell me my paintings should hang in the Met

And buy every one so I can pay off my debt

Change all the laws so that one large giraffe

Can live in my yard along with my staff

Who’ll answer all mail and keep up with my plans

And autograph pictures for all of my fans

What’s that you say? Not a single fan wrote?

Maybe they’re scared, please, I don’t want to gloat

For my next public appearance they’ll have to sell tickets

Who wants one? …No one?...Only some crickets?...