by James von Dielingen
I put a booger on the shelf
I was gonna eat it by myself
But my sister put her gum on top
I tried to tell her to please stop
but she didn't heed my plaintiff call
Now she's chewing her gum, my booger and all
Poetry Oddballs
Poetry Oddballs is the place to post and discuss original poetry. We're rhymers here, sorry, no prose! Send your original poems to poetryoddballs@gmail.com. (I won't claim any rights to your stuff, don't worry!)
Friday, October 19, 2012
Hector the Dry-Erase Marker
by
James von Dielingen
Hector
the dry-erase marker
Cried
all night and all day
He
lost his best buddy, Parker
Who
was suddenly wiped away
Parker
was drawn on a Monday
by
a substitute teacher from Prague
She
wanted to make it a fun day
so
she thought she would draw a big dog
She
picked Hector out of the drawer
and
took his lid off with a snap!
She
dropped the lid down to the floor
and
Hector was without his cap
The
substitute began to draw
And
ink spread out on the white board
Hector
was speechless with awe
His
missing cap soon was ignored
The
sub finished drawing the pup
Hector
could not help but stare
The
teacher picked his cap up
But
Hector just did not care
Hector
was placed into the tray
Where
he and the puppy dog met
He
listened for the sub to say
The
name of the class’s new pet
The
substitute asked the whole class
What
they thought about naming the sketch
Little
Jim said he would pass
“'Cause
a drawing couldn't play fetch.”
Allison
wanted to name it
Cynthia
after her sis
Tabitha
wanted to frame it
and
dub it Jack, John, or Chris
Parker
was Tyrone's suggestion
And
everyone had to agree
There
was really no question
That
Parker fit him to a 'T'
At
three o' clock, all went away
And
Marker and pup were alone
Parker
looked ready to play
So
Hector drew him a bone
They
frolicked and jumped all over
And
ran all around the place
They
stopped and lay in some clover
That
Hector drew in a blank space
In
the dark, wee hours of morning
The
custodial staff appeared
They
showed up to clean without warning
Just
as Hector had feared
He
knew that the cleaners would come
But
he wasn’t quite sure just when
He
wondered just what would become
Of
Parker, His brand new best friend
The
crew came and turned on the light
And
Hector and Parker stopped dead
This
ended the fun from last night
And
filled poor Hector with dread
They
picked up and emptied the litter
They
scrubbed and mopped the floor
They
swept up dust bunnies and glitter
They
greased the squeak in the door
The
worst they saved for the end
Much
to poor Hector's fright
They
took a cloth to the friend
That
Hector had played with all night
So,
Hector the dry erase-marker
Cried
and sobbed ‘till he leaked
He
wept for the wiped-away Parker
And
his ink came out runny and streaked
The
next day the class filled again
With
students who wanted to learn
They
mentioned Hector’s missing friend
When
the substitute also returned
The
teacher walked up to the front
And
saw the mess that was made
She
let out an audible grunt
And
asked the class for some aide
Soon
all of Hector's dried tears
Were
wiped clean away by a towel
And
then all of Hector's fears
Vanished
along with his scowl
For
soon he was cap-less again
As
he glided across the board
His
ink was spread out and then
With
surprise, he was totally floored
For
there, right in front of the room
Was
someone he didn't expect
He
fought off his gloom and his doom
And
decided that he was correct
It
WAS his friend who was drawn
On
the white board the day before!
His
buddy he thought was gone
And
that he would see no more!
Parker
returned that day
But
again in the morning was wiped
But
Hector knew not to dismay
And
he never again groaned or griped
The
substitute started a trend
And
each day Parker earned his spot
As
Hector’s very best friend
And
the classroom’s permanent mascot
So,
next time you see a poor marker
Sitting
by a board that is blank, you
Just
draw him a friend like Parker
And
you might get a big marker Thank You!
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Tyrone P Maples
by James von Dielingen
Tyrone P Maples
Pulled twenty-five staples
That lodged themselves into his thumb
He had naught to blame
But his own horrid aim
And a rusty big ole staple gun
Tyrone P Maples
Pulled twenty-five staples
That lodged themselves into his thumb
He had naught to blame
But his own horrid aim
And a rusty big ole staple gun
Kelly O'Roarke
by James von Dielingen
Kelly O'Roarke
Ate nothing but pork
And nothing else went on her plate
She lost her appeal
When she started to squeal
For Kelly became what she ate
Kelly O'Roarke
Ate nothing but pork
And nothing else went on her plate
She lost her appeal
When she started to squeal
For Kelly became what she ate
Myra Van Dane
by James von Dielingen
Myra van Dane
Was going insane
While nobody else was looking
Now all of her friends
Are facing their ends
In a giant stew pot Myra's cooking
Myra van Dane
Was going insane
While nobody else was looking
Now all of her friends
Are facing their ends
In a giant stew pot Myra's cooking
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
My Whims
by James von Dielingen
More puny humans should bow to my whims
Keep my gut stuffed, fill my cups to their brims
Do all my homework, and shine all my shoes
Put on TV any show that I choose
Fluff up my pillows and sign all my checks
Take out my garbage and shuffle my decks
Ask me quiz questions but try not to stump
I really don’t want to look like a big chump
Play video games the way I want to play
And let me win at least 10 times per day
Tell me my paintings should hang in the Met
And buy every one so I can pay off my debt
Change all the laws so that one large giraffe
Can live in my yard along with my staff
Who’ll answer all mail and keep up with my plans
And autograph pictures for all of my fans
What’s that you say? Not a single fan wrote?
Maybe they’re scared, please, I don’t want to gloat
For my next public appearance they’ll have to sell tickets
Who wants one? …No one?...Only some crickets?...
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Please, Don't Poke My Belly
by James von Dielingen
Belly Jelly wiggles
And Belly Jelly wriggles
Just be very careful
If Belly Jelly giggles
Belly Jell may greet you
And Belly Jell may meet you
But giggling Belly Jelly
Will very likely eat you
Friday, December 16, 2011
Oh, The Things I Have Seen
by James von Dielingen
Oh, the things that I've seen that I won't see again
Like a yeti devouring an old yellow hen
Or a shark flying high in the overcast sky
Eating eagles and hawks as they swiftly fly by
Or a small baby scientist mixing his potions
Like explosive formula and teddy bear lotions
Or dancing mosquitoes as big as a bear
With top hats that cover their coarse, prickly hair
Or gators that belch hot lavender flames
And play with Rudolph in his reindeer games
Or pickles that march in military formation
Solving one massive mathematical diff’rential equation
Or talking sombreros with lively debates
About current events and old potentates
Or line dancing pistols with fish in their barrels
Grooving to badly remixed Christmas Carols
I tell you I've seen them, I know how it seems
But they all exist, really, and not in my dreams
They followed me home from the dentist last week
After having to go under so I wouldn’t shriek
What? You think the gas made my mind foggy?
Come to think of it, yes, I did feel somewhat groggy.
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